Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

I'm Shmedlee. I'm 32 and my son is about to turn one. My husband is a chef which means he's not around much. Most days I feel like a single parent and it sucks, but my husband loves his job and I would never take that away from him. In addition to running in circles trying to keep my toddler alive, I work full time at a job I only like sometimes.

A few days after my son was born, I remember saying that giving birth (with an epidural) was the hardest thing I've ever done. Almost a year later, I shake my head at that. What a ridiculous person I was. Pushing that kid out of your vag is the easy part.

We had a hellish first few months. Colicky baby was almost the end of me. Honestly, there were days when I didn't think I could do it. I thought a lot about putting my baby in his crib and walking out the door. Forever. I've learned my lesson, though. I have no delusions that was the hardest part. Teething is an absolute nightmare, time changes are the devil, and toddlers are pretty much the most aggravating people on earth (right after husbands, that is). There is always something new. I feel like I'm doomed to a life that mirrors a jigsaw puzzle.

So here I am, living for those quiet moments at the end of everyday after my son goes to bed. Don't get me wrong, every time I get a sloppy kiss or he flashes his infectious smile in my direction, I fall in love all over again. Sadly, those moments are rare. More often, my time is spent following him around with a vacuum, trying to explain which things are toys, and figuring out where he left his sippy cup so this place doesn't smell any more like rotten milk than it already does.

Oh, and then there's me. I can't remember the last time I took a shower that lasted longer than 3 minutes or didn't forget some key part of my getting ready routine before going out the door in the morning. My wardrobe sucks mostly because I can't seem to find the time or energy to work out and nothing fits. And my latest trick? I sometimes wear the same mascara two days in a row because I can't be bothered to wash it off and reapply.

I'm telling you, motherhood is glamorous.